Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So vagazzling was a success
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
