did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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