just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
