swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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