That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
