just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
