It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The uberlube is also flammable
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
