he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
