i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
