Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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