Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
