he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
