I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm at about main and main street
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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