you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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