i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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