i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
