I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
