I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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