the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
