He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
