u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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