i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
