Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
