and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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