I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
