its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize