my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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