I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
