Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
