I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
