there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
