i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
