I wish i was in the wii world.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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