i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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