Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love black thongs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
