i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
