Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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