Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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