i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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