so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
