I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
