I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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