dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
