FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize