my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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