sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
