Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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