my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
