wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He passed out mid-signature
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
