I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
