please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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