I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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