I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
