1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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