i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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