All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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