Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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