Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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