I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
