no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
