I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
