I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
did i just pee glitter
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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