just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
