I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
