I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
