Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't notice because vodka
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
