i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
