so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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