Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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